My Out-of-Office
BEEP
“Ahem. You have reached the voice mail of Jennifer J______ at Company Blah Services. I’m out of the office today, and returning on… Returning on…? Oh, crap, what day am I coming back again?”
Click.
[Co-worker looks at me over the cubicle divider and giggles profusely.]
“Shut up. It’s hard! Okay, once more.”
BEEP
“Ahem. You have reached the voice mail of Jeffiner J--. Oh damnit. I, nevermind.”
Click.
“Stop laughing.”
[She won’t stop. Of course, I wouldn’t either.]
Sigh.
BEEP
“Ahem. You have reached the voice mail of Jennifer J______ at the Company Blah Services. I’m out of the office today and returning on Tuesday. If this is an urgent matter please contact the Blah Services department at… WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME LIKE THAT?”
Click.
[Co-worker: “Hahahahahahahahahaahahah!”]
“See, now you’re doing it on purpose and I’m going to be here trying to do this for, like, an hour.”
[Co-worker: “Hee hee hee.”]
“And as much fun as that would be… Once more. Ahem.”
BEEP
“You’ve reached the email of J— OH DAMNIT!”
Click.
[Co-worker: “Don’t give me a dirty look. I didn’t do anything. That time.”]
“But you were totally going to, I don’t know, start barking or something to screw me up.”
[Co-worker: “Barking?”]
“Okay, take, like what? One thousand?”
[Co-worker: “One thousand and four.”]
“Oh, now you’re a comedian?” Deep breath.
BEEP
“Hello. You have reached the VOICE mail of Jennifer J________ at the Company Blah Services…”
[Co-worker: “Meow! Meow”]
“Oh that is so NOT FUNNY! You are totally screwing me up!”
Click.
“I suppose I asked for it this time.”
[Co-worker: “Sort of.”]
“All right. This is serious now.” Deep inhale. Deep exhale. Eyes down.
BEEP
“You have reached the voice mail of -- I AM SO NOT LOOKING UP AT YOU RIGHT NOW!”
Click.
[Co-worker leaning over cubicle divide and making funny faces at me.]
“I hate you.”
[Co-worker: “Hee hee hee.”]
BEEP
“You have reached the…”
[Co-worker chuckling.]
“You have reached…”
[Co-worker snorting milk through her nose.]
“You have rea—“
[Co-worker going red in the face she is laughing so uproariously.]
Click.
“That’s it.”
BEEP
“You have reached the voice mail of Jennifer J______ at Company Blah Services. I’m out of the office indefinitely. All calls have been forwarded to [my evil co-worker.] If she meows like a cat, don’t worry, she won’t bite.”
Click.
“Ahem. You have reached the voice mail of Jennifer J______ at Company Blah Services. I’m out of the office today, and returning on… Returning on…? Oh, crap, what day am I coming back again?”
Click.
[Co-worker looks at me over the cubicle divider and giggles profusely.]
“Shut up. It’s hard! Okay, once more.”
BEEP
“Ahem. You have reached the voice mail of Jeffiner J--. Oh damnit. I, nevermind.”
Click.
“Stop laughing.”
[She won’t stop. Of course, I wouldn’t either.]
Sigh.
BEEP
“Ahem. You have reached the voice mail of Jennifer J______ at the Company Blah Services. I’m out of the office today and returning on Tuesday. If this is an urgent matter please contact the Blah Services department at… WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME LIKE THAT?”
Click.
[Co-worker: “Hahahahahahahahahaahahah!”]
“See, now you’re doing it on purpose and I’m going to be here trying to do this for, like, an hour.”
[Co-worker: “Hee hee hee.”]
“And as much fun as that would be… Once more. Ahem.”
BEEP
“You’ve reached the email of J— OH DAMNIT!”
Click.
[Co-worker: “Don’t give me a dirty look. I didn’t do anything. That time.”]
“But you were totally going to, I don’t know, start barking or something to screw me up.”
[Co-worker: “Barking?”]
“Okay, take, like what? One thousand?”
[Co-worker: “One thousand and four.”]
“Oh, now you’re a comedian?” Deep breath.
BEEP
“Hello. You have reached the VOICE mail of Jennifer J________ at the Company Blah Services…”
[Co-worker: “Meow! Meow”]
“Oh that is so NOT FUNNY! You are totally screwing me up!”
Click.
“I suppose I asked for it this time.”
[Co-worker: “Sort of.”]
“All right. This is serious now.” Deep inhale. Deep exhale. Eyes down.
BEEP
“You have reached the voice mail of -- I AM SO NOT LOOKING UP AT YOU RIGHT NOW!”
Click.
[Co-worker leaning over cubicle divide and making funny faces at me.]
“I hate you.”
[Co-worker: “Hee hee hee.”]
BEEP
“You have reached the…”
[Co-worker chuckling.]
“You have reached…”
[Co-worker snorting milk through her nose.]
“You have rea—“
[Co-worker going red in the face she is laughing so uproariously.]
Click.
“That’s it.”
BEEP
“You have reached the voice mail of Jennifer J______ at Company Blah Services. I’m out of the office indefinitely. All calls have been forwarded to [my evil co-worker.] If she meows like a cat, don’t worry, she won’t bite.”
Click.
posted by nerdifer at 3:10 p.m.
1 Comments:
Worse...is when you work for a bilingual company and you have to do the whole thing first in one language and then in the other. It throws the standard deviation (? trying to pretend that I know what that means) off completely.
Nothing like getting your second language perfect but stumbling through your native tongue endlessly.
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