The Gai-jin Superstar Complex
So I found this today on Tomato Nation's Vine.
And I just had the following to say.
Eeeek!
I truly sympathized with the sweet Australian girl with the great job and the boyfriend far away in Japan today. I really did. And I'm torn about the advice Sars gave her, because I left my great paying job that I didn't so much love to go and have the adventure of my young life over in Japan as an English teacher. And I loved Japan! I really did. The 15 months there was the experience of a lifetime. Totally wouldn't take it back. Ever.
But going for the boyfriend. To Japan? Eeeek. I've got warning bells going off in my head that sound like air-raid sirens. As an experienced female Gai-jin, I feel I have to let the Magic 8-ball in on a few secrets of the Land of the Rising Sun.
#1. Japan is AWESOME but it takes some getting used to. Everything seems weird for the first few months. Culture shock is not easy to handle. You can't read the signs - which hurts the ego like hell. The language is not all that easy to learn (and you can be lazy, like me, and just learn how to gesture things really well.) The culture is fascinating but it can be cryptic and you can find yourself saying "But why do they DO THAT? It doesn't MAKE SENSE!" And, if you're a Western girl with height or curves, shopping becomes ridiculously hard on the ego.
Me: "Excuse me? Do you have this in Extra-Extra-Large? I swear, I'm a Small where I come from."
Clerk: "Really? But you're so BIG!"
(I'm 5'4", and like just over 125lbs.)
Me: (under my breath) And you're a dickhead.
#2. Something weird happens to Western guys after the first few months there. We call it the Gai-jin Superstar Complex. They arrive in Japan all normal and humble. And a few months later, something snaps and they think they are God's-Gift-to-Women! They say they have their pick of Japanese girls. They become addicts. (And from this Western girl's point of view, they can become highly obnoxious.) Perhaps it'sthe scads of really pretty Japanese girls, with their almond eyes and their faces and hair made up just so, paying them all the attention in the world. Because if there's anything more fashionable than a Prada handbag, it's a Western boyfriend. I know Magic 8-ball said that her boyfriend is urging her strongly to go over there and join him, but I'm saying Sister, think it over. Because I have heard that story a few dozen times before and it doesn't always have a happy ending. Sometimes it works out lovely - although usually the happy couples I knew over there had planned to come together and arrived at the same time. I'm perhaps being a little bit of a cynic (and really, who wants to listen to a cynic?) but 8-ball might find herself in the same place as the boyfriend while being in a completely different headspace from him. And if she feels like she has sacrificed just to be with him - disaster looms.
#3. Coming home is haaaaaaard. After a year of easy 20-hour work weeks at a job that required absolutely no conscious effort and paid me great money, I forgot how hard "the real world" was. I came home quickly and without a plan, and then spent the better part of two years fending off bankruptcy and wallowing in self-defeat before I figured out what the hell I was doing again. Yes, she will get another job. But she should have her exit strategy planned out well in advance of actually getting on the plane and coming home. Japan is easy. Going home is hard. But if you don't go home, you end up one of those Older English Sensei's and the new teachers at the school all kind of pity you.
I'm not saying 8-ball shouldn't go. Like I said, it was the experience of a lifetime for me and I wouldn't take it back. I just think that she should know why she's going. If she wants to go to Japan to learn Japanese, then great. If she has this strong urge to up and travel and Japan just happens to be her ichi-ban destination, even better. If she's just going so she can shack up with the boy, maybe think again. And she should know how long she's going for and exactly what she's going to do when she gets back. You can never plan ahead enough.
And I just had the following to say.
Eeeek!
I truly sympathized with the sweet Australian girl with the great job and the boyfriend far away in Japan today. I really did. And I'm torn about the advice Sars gave her, because I left my great paying job that I didn't so much love to go and have the adventure of my young life over in Japan as an English teacher. And I loved Japan! I really did. The 15 months there was the experience of a lifetime. Totally wouldn't take it back. Ever.
But going for the boyfriend. To Japan? Eeeek. I've got warning bells going off in my head that sound like air-raid sirens. As an experienced female Gai-jin, I feel I have to let the Magic 8-ball in on a few secrets of the Land of the Rising Sun.
#1. Japan is AWESOME but it takes some getting used to. Everything seems weird for the first few months. Culture shock is not easy to handle. You can't read the signs - which hurts the ego like hell. The language is not all that easy to learn (and you can be lazy, like me, and just learn how to gesture things really well.) The culture is fascinating but it can be cryptic and you can find yourself saying "But why do they DO THAT? It doesn't MAKE SENSE!" And, if you're a Western girl with height or curves, shopping becomes ridiculously hard on the ego.
Me: "Excuse me? Do you have this in Extra-Extra-Large? I swear, I'm a Small where I come from."
Clerk: "Really? But you're so BIG!"
(I'm 5'4", and like just over 125lbs.)
Me: (under my breath) And you're a dickhead.
#2. Something weird happens to Western guys after the first few months there. We call it the Gai-jin Superstar Complex. They arrive in Japan all normal and humble. And a few months later, something snaps and they think they are God's-Gift-to-Women! They say they have their pick of Japanese girls. They become addicts. (And from this Western girl's point of view, they can become highly obnoxious.) Perhaps it'sthe scads of really pretty Japanese girls, with their almond eyes and their faces and hair made up just so, paying them all the attention in the world. Because if there's anything more fashionable than a Prada handbag, it's a Western boyfriend. I know Magic 8-ball said that her boyfriend is urging her strongly to go over there and join him, but I'm saying Sister, think it over. Because I have heard that story a few dozen times before and it doesn't always have a happy ending. Sometimes it works out lovely - although usually the happy couples I knew over there had planned to come together and arrived at the same time. I'm perhaps being a little bit of a cynic (and really, who wants to listen to a cynic?) but 8-ball might find herself in the same place as the boyfriend while being in a completely different headspace from him. And if she feels like she has sacrificed just to be with him - disaster looms.
#3. Coming home is haaaaaaard. After a year of easy 20-hour work weeks at a job that required absolutely no conscious effort and paid me great money, I forgot how hard "the real world" was. I came home quickly and without a plan, and then spent the better part of two years fending off bankruptcy and wallowing in self-defeat before I figured out what the hell I was doing again. Yes, she will get another job. But she should have her exit strategy planned out well in advance of actually getting on the plane and coming home. Japan is easy. Going home is hard. But if you don't go home, you end up one of those Older English Sensei's and the new teachers at the school all kind of pity you.
I'm not saying 8-ball shouldn't go. Like I said, it was the experience of a lifetime for me and I wouldn't take it back. I just think that she should know why she's going. If she wants to go to Japan to learn Japanese, then great. If she has this strong urge to up and travel and Japan just happens to be her ichi-ban destination, even better. If she's just going so she can shack up with the boy, maybe think again. And she should know how long she's going for and exactly what she's going to do when she gets back. You can never plan ahead enough.
posted by nerdifer at 6:59 p.m.
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