Very Bad Things and the Statute of Limitations
Voice of Reason: Hello?
Nerdifer: Hello.
Voice of Reason: How's it going?
Nerdifer: …
Voice of Reason: What's wrong?
Nerdifer: Nothing.
Voice of Reason: Nothing, except?
Nerdifer: He hasn't called yet.
Voice of Reason: Well that's weird. From what you said I was sure that he was going to call.
Nerdifer: Except that he hasn't.
Voice of Reason: Well, really, how long has it been?
Nerdifer: Four days.
Voice of Reason: That's nothing!
Nerdifer: Nothing? That's two days past industry standard!
Voice of Reason: Now you're going to quote "Swingers" on me?
Nerdifer: Well, I, uh, well, it's like the Bible of guy movies, okay?
Voice of Reason: Yeah, and what do they say right after they decide that two days is industry standard?
Nerdifer: (sigh) They say they wait six days.
Voice of Reason: So you're still within the margin of error.
Nerdifer: Yeah, but he totally didn't seem like he belonged in "Swingers" to me. I mean he was sweet. He was nice.
Voice of Reason: Jon Favreau was sweet and nice in "Swingers."
Nerdifer: Ew. No. We can't talk about Jon Favreau.
Voice of Reason: Really? Why not?
Nerdifer: I can't think of him as anything other than the guy from "Very Bad Things."
Voice of Reason: Oh. Shudder.
Nerdifer: And every time I think of "Very Bad Things" I think of the part where the hooker gets k--
Voice of Reason: Ew. Yep, okay, that's enough. We're not talking about that movie.
Nerdifer: And then the security guard comes along and they have to --
Voice of Reason: Aah! Aah! Aah! Stop. It. Right. Now. I'm going to have nightmares for weeks.
Nerdifer: Totally. Worst movie ever. Did you know that Cameron Diaz is in that movie?
Voice of Reason: Really? I forgot that. I think I blocked it out. Odd choice for her.
Nerdifer: Yeah, and at the end she gets all psycho and she --
Voice of Reason: Aaaaahh! Stop it! I thought I ended this conversation.
Nerdifer: Well, it's better than talking about the alternative.
Voice of Reason: He'll call.
Nerdifer: Yeah, it just seems so random, you know. Like it doesn't matter what my strategy is, because in the end I am helpless.
Voice of Reason: You could have asked for his number.
Nerdifer: Yeah, but the last time I did that I got stood up. I was trying something new this time.
Voice of Reason: Which means that you're just going to have to be patient this time.
Nerdifer: Patience is not really my strength.
Voice of Reason: Try harder.
Nerdifer: I mean, at what point did calling become optional?
Voice of Reason: Not calling is just rude and you just need to write the rude ones off. Or, you know, you might think about becoming a bit more of a realist.
Nerdifer: If you start spouting some “He’s Just Not That Into You” bullshit at me I swear I will hang up right now.
Voice of Reason: No, no, I wasn’t going to do that. I just think sometimes you’re not much of a resident of the planet earth.
Nerdifer: Because I’ll tell you, oh he was into me all right!
Voice of Reason: Yes, he was into you. But again, no cause and effect relationship there. Planet earth, calling you! Come back down.
Nerdifer: It's just in times like these, I tend to look back through my relationship yearbook and reminisce.
Voice of Reason: Oh no.
Nerdifer: About you know, the one who was like heroin.
Voice of Reason: No, no, no, no, no.
Nerdifer: I wonder if he'd answer my call.
Voice of Reason: Vetoed. Black-balled. You are so not allowed to call him.
Nerdifer: But it's not like it was that bad.
Voice of Reason: Uh, I was there, and yes, it was that bad. The guy's a dickhead.
Nerdifer: But he was like heroin.
Voice of Reason: We all have ones like that. How would you react if I said I wanted to go call N--
Nerdifer: Oh, we are so not talking about him! No, no, no, no, NO! That guy was an asshole.
Voice of Reason: See? Now we understand each other.
Nerdifer: No, it's totally not the same! It's not like I'm thinking about going back to my worst relationship ever. It's not like having a yen to pick up the phone and talk to the one that was pure evil. This was like second to best. There's a difference.
Voice of Reason: That'd be true if you were talking about the value of the relationship. But you're not. You are talking about the fact that he was like heroin. So, you see, it is the same.
Nerdifer: Yeah, well, it's all moot anyways, because it's not like I'm about to call him. He already thinks I'm crazy.
Voice of Reason: And a call out of the blue, begging for a plane ticket would really just reinforce that point of view.
Nerdifer: Not something I'm willing to do.
Voice of Reason: Well, I'm glad we agree on that, at least.
Nerdifer: And so I just sit and wait?
Voice of Reason: Nothing else you can do. Four days really isn't that long.
Nerdifer: Well, I'll be calling you back when the six-day statute of limitations passes and I still haven't heard anything.
Voice of Reason: Don't worry. I'll be ready to stage the addiction intervention.
Nerdifer: Yeah, thanks for talking me down off that ledge.
Nerdifer: Hello.
Voice of Reason: How's it going?
Nerdifer: …
Voice of Reason: What's wrong?
Nerdifer: Nothing.
Voice of Reason: Nothing, except?
Nerdifer: He hasn't called yet.
Voice of Reason: Well that's weird. From what you said I was sure that he was going to call.
Nerdifer: Except that he hasn't.
Voice of Reason: Well, really, how long has it been?
Nerdifer: Four days.
Voice of Reason: That's nothing!
Nerdifer: Nothing? That's two days past industry standard!
Voice of Reason: Now you're going to quote "Swingers" on me?
Nerdifer: Well, I, uh, well, it's like the Bible of guy movies, okay?
Voice of Reason: Yeah, and what do they say right after they decide that two days is industry standard?
Nerdifer: (sigh) They say they wait six days.
Voice of Reason: So you're still within the margin of error.
Nerdifer: Yeah, but he totally didn't seem like he belonged in "Swingers" to me. I mean he was sweet. He was nice.
Voice of Reason: Jon Favreau was sweet and nice in "Swingers."
Nerdifer: Ew. No. We can't talk about Jon Favreau.
Voice of Reason: Really? Why not?
Nerdifer: I can't think of him as anything other than the guy from "Very Bad Things."
Voice of Reason: Oh. Shudder.
Nerdifer: And every time I think of "Very Bad Things" I think of the part where the hooker gets k--
Voice of Reason: Ew. Yep, okay, that's enough. We're not talking about that movie.
Nerdifer: And then the security guard comes along and they have to --
Voice of Reason: Aah! Aah! Aah! Stop. It. Right. Now. I'm going to have nightmares for weeks.
Nerdifer: Totally. Worst movie ever. Did you know that Cameron Diaz is in that movie?
Voice of Reason: Really? I forgot that. I think I blocked it out. Odd choice for her.
Nerdifer: Yeah, and at the end she gets all psycho and she --
Voice of Reason: Aaaaahh! Stop it! I thought I ended this conversation.
Nerdifer: Well, it's better than talking about the alternative.
Voice of Reason: He'll call.
Nerdifer: Yeah, it just seems so random, you know. Like it doesn't matter what my strategy is, because in the end I am helpless.
Voice of Reason: You could have asked for his number.
Nerdifer: Yeah, but the last time I did that I got stood up. I was trying something new this time.
Voice of Reason: Which means that you're just going to have to be patient this time.
Nerdifer: Patience is not really my strength.
Voice of Reason: Try harder.
Nerdifer: I mean, at what point did calling become optional?
Voice of Reason: Not calling is just rude and you just need to write the rude ones off. Or, you know, you might think about becoming a bit more of a realist.
Nerdifer: If you start spouting some “He’s Just Not That Into You” bullshit at me I swear I will hang up right now.
Voice of Reason: No, no, I wasn’t going to do that. I just think sometimes you’re not much of a resident of the planet earth.
Nerdifer: Because I’ll tell you, oh he was into me all right!
Voice of Reason: Yes, he was into you. But again, no cause and effect relationship there. Planet earth, calling you! Come back down.
Nerdifer: It's just in times like these, I tend to look back through my relationship yearbook and reminisce.
Voice of Reason: Oh no.
Nerdifer: About you know, the one who was like heroin.
Voice of Reason: No, no, no, no, no.
Nerdifer: I wonder if he'd answer my call.
Voice of Reason: Vetoed. Black-balled. You are so not allowed to call him.
Nerdifer: But it's not like it was that bad.
Voice of Reason: Uh, I was there, and yes, it was that bad. The guy's a dickhead.
Nerdifer: But he was like heroin.
Voice of Reason: We all have ones like that. How would you react if I said I wanted to go call N--
Nerdifer: Oh, we are so not talking about him! No, no, no, no, NO! That guy was an asshole.
Voice of Reason: See? Now we understand each other.
Nerdifer: No, it's totally not the same! It's not like I'm thinking about going back to my worst relationship ever. It's not like having a yen to pick up the phone and talk to the one that was pure evil. This was like second to best. There's a difference.
Voice of Reason: That'd be true if you were talking about the value of the relationship. But you're not. You are talking about the fact that he was like heroin. So, you see, it is the same.
Nerdifer: Yeah, well, it's all moot anyways, because it's not like I'm about to call him. He already thinks I'm crazy.
Voice of Reason: And a call out of the blue, begging for a plane ticket would really just reinforce that point of view.
Nerdifer: Not something I'm willing to do.
Voice of Reason: Well, I'm glad we agree on that, at least.
Nerdifer: And so I just sit and wait?
Voice of Reason: Nothing else you can do. Four days really isn't that long.
Nerdifer: Well, I'll be calling you back when the six-day statute of limitations passes and I still haven't heard anything.
Voice of Reason: Don't worry. I'll be ready to stage the addiction intervention.
Nerdifer: Yeah, thanks for talking me down off that ledge.
posted by nerdifer at 11:16 a.m.
4 Comments:
Just a note...if a guy doesn't know how to use a phone before the relationship starts...you -really- don't want to be in a relationship with him. BELIEVE me!!! It's one thing when a guy you just met doesn't have the common courtesy to pick up the phone and call. Yes, it's upsetting, it's depressing, it's confusing (especially when he seemed, well, like he was a guy who would have common courtesy, his mother is sooooooooo disappointed right now and doesn't know why)...but it's HELL being -in- a relationship...an actual 'yes I'm your boyfriend' relationship of two months and have him not call for TWO weeks!!!
Yes, I'm over it now...but, I've dealt with the 4 day wait before (and probably will again)...and between the two it's like constipation compared with pregnancy...ew...yuck! Where did that imagery come from...
;)
(I can recomment without the graffic imagery if you like)
Dude... Did I mention that the folks periodically take a gander at the site? Just something you might want to think about. Is all.
Talk is cheap.
Thats why there is so much of it.
Understanding is precious. Thats why there is so little. While people always have a lot to say to one another, they don't really have a strong inclination to listen. They talk AT instead of TO each other. They converse but they do not communicate. They rarely say excatly what they mean or mean what they say. He asked for your number sweetness, did he mean it, absolutely , you guys had great conversation, did he love it , absolutely, was he "into you " , of course ! This my love, is EXACTLY the reason why he is not calling...yet .He just might , first he needs to muster the courage to speak to the Diva-ness that you are. First he needs to come to terms with the fact that by picking up the phone and dialing those 10 digits he will be starting a process of genuine constructive dialogue. First he needs to wrap his little boy mind over the fact that this is a Woman's phone number. This is that fantastic blonde cutie with the sparkly eyes and bubbly laugh . This is a very serious call to make...and I think I might need a few days to ensure that I have something to say , as opposed to something to just talk about ....
Chin up girly girl !!
In this post I was aiming for dry humour, but if what I got was sympathy and understanding, well then, hell, I'm all in! Because Burt Bacharach told me "what the world needs now is..."
Thanks girls!
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